philosopher gurl: Guilty Pleasures #4: All things Jane Austen

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Guilty Pleasures #4: All things Jane Austen

English novelist Jane Austen may have lived in a bygone era, but the love lessons she wrote into her books are timeless. What dating rules would her character Emma Woodhouse follow today? How about Anne Elliott? In her book Jane Austen's Guide to Dating, author Lauren Henderson breaks down the do's and don'ts ‑- and offers up some tips on recognizing if you're with the right guy.

Friends Don't Always Give the Best Advice

DO

Listen to your own inner voice. If a man looks great on paper, but there's simply something about him that doesn't work for you, don't force yourself against your instincts into dating him. It will never work out.

Learn to trust yourself. If a man seems too good to be true, he probably is. Don't be so swayed by compliments or courtship that you deliberately blind yourself to faults of his that may mean the relationship has no future.

Keep yourself grounded. What really happens when someone sweeps you off your feet? You lose your balance and he's still standing up. Is that what you want to happen at the start of a relationship?

DON'T

Be overpersuaded by your friends. You're the one who has to date him, not them. Of course, your friends will be right if they try to put you off an addict, cheater or axe murderer. But don't be pushed into a relationship you don't feel is right for you just because your friends are keen on the person ‑- and don't break up with someone you like and who treats you well because he doesn't immediately jell with your friends.

Be self-destructive. Don't be so desperate for a relationship that you go against the healthy self-protective instincts that we all possess. Learn to listen to and be guided by them.

Be fooled by flattery. Be wary of someone who tries to overwhelm you with compliments. How did he get to be so good at that? By doing the same with a lot of other people. You'll end up just another mark on his well notched bedpost.

Spotting a Man Who's Not Looking for Long-Term Love

He will keep you off balance by being unreliable ‑- not calling when he says he will, canceling dates without much notice.

He won't introduce you to his friends ‑- he doesn't want you to feel the security of being part of his life.

He will talk about things you can do together in the future that, however, somehow never materialize ‑- if you bring them up, he will have an excuse as to why they're not possible right now.

He will try to rush you into bed with him before you're ready ‑- he may ask to come into your apartment every chance he gets, using an excuse like wanting a cup of coffee or to use your bathroom, hoping that he can seduce you once he gets you alone.

He will try to make you feel that you have a special bond with him very quickly, when realistically you know that you haven't dated him long enough for one to have formed.

Pick a Guy Who's a Good Influence on You

DO

Keep your own values.

If someone doesn't have the same fundamental value system as you ‑- and, worse, if they try to sway you from what you know to be right ‑- you are not in a good relationship.

Choose someone who brings out the best in you.

Your boyfriend should help you to strengthen your positive qualities and suppress the negative ones.

Support him as much as he supports you.

It's a two-way street. If you're both helping each other to reach your goals in life and be nicer, happier people, you have a much greater chance of maintaining a successful, strong relationship.

DON'T

Try to change your boyfriend in major ways.

Either decide you can put up with his annoying quirks, or leave him. If you start trying to change him, you will turn into a nag, and you will end up hating yourself.

Be influenced by his bad behavior.

Don't get sucked into doing things that you feel aren't good for you. Don't stay around someone who wants to drag you down.

Put all the blame on him.

You chose him, after all. If he's not good for you, why did you pick him in the first place? Instead of blaming him, spend your time more usefully by figuring out why you made that mistake so you won't repeat it in the future.Does He Bring Out the Worst in You? How to Tell

You're stuck in a rut of criticizing each other, without the situation ever improving.

You feel irritable most of the time you spend with him, without being able to put your finger on exactly why.

You change your outfit or your hair five times before going out on a date with him, never sure whether you've picked the image of yourself that will please him.

You disagree with a lot of his core values

, but you tell yourself that it doesn't matter, because they have nothing to do with your relationship.

You find yourself doing things when out with him that you would never normally do ‑- things you don't mention to your friends because you know they would disapprove.

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Greetings

I am searching for my own voice, but I often find it expressed through the words of others. So I decided to share. "When life feels hard, keep on running. Run with your face to the wind, legs pushing dirt and arms pounding the breeze. Don't look back. Sometime soon you can lie on the pinnacle of the nearest mountain while the wind and earth and sky soak your being with the intoxicating knowledge that even when you thought you would never make it here, you refused to take the easy path and you never gave up." ~Christina Mauro

So Here's What's New

Growth is happening.....

I'm working on developing a healthier perspective so please; bear with me.

What I've learned:

Happiness is a choice.

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." ~James Oppenheim

I just need to remember that "happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have" and stay present...

Corita Kent:

Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.

Anne Frank:

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world (or themselves for that matter)!

Palm Readings...

I did an online palm reading online today because a cousin and I were talking about palmistry the other day and I wanted to try it out for fun to see if my results would come up with any sort of accuracy. I tried several sites; I didn't realize that it could be so time consuming. While I will warn everyone not to waste their time on the Tickle Website, there are some legitimate sites out there that you can get a FREE reading. My favorite site, although there seems to be some sort of problem with the reader today, but I would definitely check out periodically is @ http://www.astroguru.com/astro/palm.php . The other site that I used today, that I emailed my cousin about is @
http://www.astroyogi.com/palmreading/result.asp .
Here is what they had to say about my hand [and felt that all of the observations were pretty spot on].

Hi Monica, you have a vigorous hand. Dynamism, power, leadership and zest characterise your personality. Highly energised and enthusiastic, you hold out even during tough times. But remember not to overdo this. Your decision-making is swift and on-the-spot most of the times. Versatility is thy other name. You are also romantic, but with a generous dash of challenge thrown in. Your index finger is short. This makes you a dependable team player. A position of command is not for you. But you do have a keen eye for detail. You can be impulsive; not all your moves are quite rational. Look out! Stress could get the better of you. Your index finger being shorter than your ring finger tells us that you are a bit of a dreamer - a sensitive, idealistic dreamer. You mull a lot over minute, subtle detail. The bigger picture cannot be complete for you otherwise. But your personality can do a near-instant makeover to realism if faced with a situation of urgency. You are then a proactive, practical person to the core. Your middle finger being longer than the adjoining fingers in length signifies an even view towards life. You are extremely organised; seldom ever do you 'come apart' in any situation. You seem to have all stages of your life worked out to the last detail, and possess an unbiased and sagacious personality. You evaluate and analyse all your actions towards achieving your goals in life and get there through sheer dedication and will power. Your ring finger levels out halfway through the middle of your middle finger nail. This means you lead life in equilibrium. You are self-motivated and purposeful. Since your little finger is set lower than your other fingers, you encumber and impede your own life. The pursuit of goals seems unimportant to you and hence you make no effort to reach out. Your little finger reaches above the first flexure line (joint) of your ring finger. You have the gift of the gab and can talk endlessly - all you need is a listening partner. you have a vigorous hand. Dynamism, power, leadership and zest characterise your personality. Highly energised and enthusiastic, you hold out even during tough times. But remember not to overdo this. Your decision-making is swift and on-the-spot most of the times. Versatility is thy other name. You are also romantic, but with a generous dash of challenge thrown in. You have a long life and will live to up to about 70. You are a peaceful creature. All you want is tranquility; any sort of discord unsettles you completely. Your lifeline does not touch your line of head. You are an independent and non-conventional person. Don't let over confidence get the better of you. Your headline ends in a fork. You contemplate deeply before executing plans. This trait is usually inherent in lawyers and authors. Your headline is medium straight. You are a highly rational individual. You are thought oriented and never act before thinking it through. You are a solid person with fantastic reserves of energy. A doting parent and loyal friend, you are very protective towards those whom you love. Make sure you don't overdo this. The commitments you make are for keeps. Your fate line is aligned; your self esteem is firmly in place. You have the ability to be guided by your own insight.
I'm curious to know whether or not there is some sort of bio-neuro connection to your personality and the shape and lines in your hand. Has anyone done this study. The scary accuracy and similarities between my personality tests and the reading results is kind of freaky. Also, from time to time I'll do a tarot reading on http://www.facade.com/ and even though I don't necessarily believe in that stuff, I find it fun to play with from time to time. The readings there for the most part on any given day are just specifically abstract to keep me interested and wondering if they have some method of tracking my surfing habits or something [because, "how would they otherwise know that]?
If the concept of "eternal damnation", and "evil" as my mother would call it doesn't phase you [cause as you can see I don't believe in THAT stuff], feel free to check it some time. I promise it will have you scratching your head and saying, "hmmm." I wonder how this stuff works and if there's any reasonable or scientific explanation to why these things are so eerily evident. Perhaps it's more of a philosophical question instead of whether or not I perceive these things to be accurate is based upon my relative experience [like my thoughts and memories create correlations, rather than the readings being accurate themelves. What do you think?

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